What a lot of people don’t know is I was very depressed and overwhelmed during my second pregnancy. Adam was about 6 months old when we found out we were expecting our second baby. Different emotions went through my head but one that stood out and was more evident was my depression. I tried to keep it to myself as much as I could but then some days I just couldn’t and I would just vent out to my husband or mother. Trust me, we were excited about having another baby and Adam having a little brother/sister to play with, but we were too worried and scared to see it clearly then. Actually I think just me.
I was filled with guilt, guilt of having another baby and taking Adam’s time with me away from him. I was filled with sadness that soon enough I won’t be able to give my 100% to him. What if he hates me for it? And I’ll tell you what, asking other mums of two for advice wasn’t the best decision because ALL of them were so negative about it. Not one gave me hope. So obviously that scared me even more. I remember till now one of them told me “Adam will absolutely hate you!” That broke my heart. Me, Adam and hubby had such a close relationship. He was our first son and at that time our only child. We were so attached. Would he really hate me – I asked myself throughout the pregnancy!
I think my depression was also because of my body. How different it was, it was expanding by the day. It no longer felt like MY body and I felt like I was living in someone else’s. It’s really hard to be open with these things because people straight away start judging or say things like “oh come on you’re pregnant it’s okay if you’re fat” without realizing how much that could hurt a person. When I got married I was 56/57 kgs, by the time I was 37 weeks pregnant with Hana I was 86 kgs! I gained 30 kgs in two pregnancies. I felt like my body wasn’t ready! I think that made me even more sad, not being able to feel like myself anymore. But all of this, most of the time, I kept it to myself. I would occasionally speak to my mum and husband about it and they made me feel so much better. That’s why I always say it is SO IMPORTANT to have a good support system. It’s so important to have someone you can just go and cry too, My sister in law Hiba and my friends were my support system as well. Especially since Hiba was then pregnant with her third baby so she went through all the emotions of having a second baby and she could relate to what I was going through.
I did as much as I could with Adam from morning to night when I was pregnant with Hana. We had so much fun and he made me happy. He was my distraction. I think towards the end I was more excited about having a second baby. Everytime I took Adam out to play areas, I noticed how nice to he was to babies. He was so interested in them and always would say “mama look baby” and that made me feel so happy and less guilty. I knew then Adam wouldn’t take it as bad as everyone told me. I knew then Adam would be the best Big Brother. I remember till now I was about 34 weeks pregnant and I took Adam to his football session at the FC Club and I was literally running around kicking the ball with him with my big bump! A friend of mine Helen thought I was absolutely nuts! But things and days like those made Adam so happy and although I was exhausted, it was definitely worth it!
Fast forward when Hana was born, Adam was so excited and couldn’t stop saying “baby” He was never jealous or hated me even for a second. He was happy, to him Hana was “a new toy” for him to play with. As he get older and so did Hana, their relationship became even more beautiful. They absolutely love each other and get along great. Yes they are days when they fight like cats and dogs but overall, we wouldn’t change a thing! I was right, Adam was the best Big Brother, he was amazing and he actually made it easier for us, alhamdulilah.
So to all mamas expecting their second baby and worried about how the first one would feel or react, my advice is DON’T STRESS! What you feel is passed on to them. If you’re frustrated then they’ll be as well. Maybe I had an easy experience or maybe I was lucky but I truly believe it’s what you make of it. Have a positive mindset, make sure you have a great support system. At the beginning, it’s important to try and spend as much time with your first born as you can. So for instance I would pump milk for Hana and leave it with my grandma/mum/hubby so when she woke up they would feed her and that gave me time to go swimming with Adam or just play in the living room with him. It will be exhausting for you at first but I promise you it gets easier. Adam is now 2 years and Hana is 10 months, and it’s the best time! They have so much fun together and play with each other which makes it easier on me. Adam is such a loving brother, he loves his little sister and seeing them together, makes everything I went through worth it. It makes everything I went through seem like nothing now.
Be positive. Look at the bigger picture.
And oh with two kids, the weight will come off! After I gave birth to Hana I was 83 kgs ( I lost ONLY 3 kgs!!!!! With Adam I lost almost 10kgs!) I went from 83 kgs to 68 kgs in 10 months (What I currently weigh) without any exercising or gym. I still want to lose about 8 kgs but right now I’m not stressing about it, I’m just happy.
Thank you to the ladies that messaged me on Instagram (you know who you are) and giving me the courage to talk about what I went through with my second pregnancy. I hope this helps you with your second one and inshallah you’ll have an easy transition.
Lots of love,